he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
