My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
