There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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