I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize