Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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