Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
