The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
