do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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