I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
