Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
