I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
