im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
