My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize