There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
