you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
