The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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