that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
