So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
