I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
