I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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