The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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