Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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