I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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