I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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