If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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