I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
