Its about making memories worth repressing
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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