quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
