so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
