The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
