Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
