Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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