The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
