I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
