I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
