Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Panties = found
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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