I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
