theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
