So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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