At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
