I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
