Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
