Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we made out on top of his cat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dicks are not precious.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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