and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
