Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
