Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
