remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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