problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
