Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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