so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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