youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
