my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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