If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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