Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
