if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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