This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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