omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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