Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
