Can i not drive my cunt home
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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