can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
