he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
