I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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