Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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