It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
