Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
