My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
