theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
